Storms

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We are slowly wrapping up our first winter in our new apartment, and it’s been absolutely fantastic.

Moving to this neighbourhood was one of the best decisions we’ve ever made. I don’t think I could ever live anywhere else. Beaches everywhere, the views stab me through the heart every time I look out the window, and the winter storms are violent and thrilling. We live in one of the stormier parts of the southern island, and people drive down to the water on windy days to see the roiling ocean.

I can actually see it from my window, but a few weeks ago there was a nutty windstorm and Ben and I walked down to the breakwater to witness the glory of Dallas road storms. My dad tells me that they used to shut the road down on windy days because the ocean would flood it. I’ve never seen anything that crazy, and maybe he’s just full of shit, but it’s still preeetyyy stormy. I was very nervous that we’d be drenched. (we watched another couple get soaked while trying to take pictures.)

I suck at taking vidoes, but keep an eye out for 00:07. The rest of the video is mostly just me laughing like a weirdo.

A letter to my downstairs neighbour

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Hello,

I’ve never met you and I have no idea what you look like, but from all the sounds I hear of you – manly shouting during sports games, crappy drunken acoustic guitar sing-alongs at 3am on a Thursday night, and the rhythmic yelping of your really loud girlfriend (? wife? friend with benefits? prostitute?) I feel like somehow I know you oh-so-intimately.

I had a rough night last night. I watched the latest episode of walking dead before bed, which I KNOW is cheesy and needs to put more effort into characters and relationships than jumpy scenes that cause me to hop off the couch and walk around in a panic every twenty seconds (I can’t watch! Tell me if she gets bit! – Me when Lori was stuck in the car while a zombie slowly pushed his face through broken glass in order to reach her. Euuuwww.), but it SCARES me and usually after watching an episode, it takes me awhile to wind down. The first hour or so I just lie in bed, thinking about what my escape plan would be in case of zombies (bar the door with 2x4s and try to turn my apartment into a fortress of safety, in case you were wondering. You’re welcome to join me if you don’t succumb during the initial wave of zombie disease! Please bring non-perishable food items with you.)

But eventually I fell asleep. 

And then I got woken up.

By you.

Actually, it was your girlfriend/wife/friend with benefits/prostitute.

She’s always loud. Did you know that every time you guys have sex, I can hear you? I try to close my ears and focus on something else. My boyfriend is more perverted and thinks it’s awesome.

Last night was even louder than usual. Instead of the normal rhythm of wailing, she was going up and down a scale in a harsh vibrato that rarely seemed to stop. She sounded like a singing mermaid who also happened to be having sex at 3 in the morning. On a Monday night. Is she faking it? It’s hard to believe that anyone could be that loud during sex, or enjoy it THAT much. You must be pretty amazing.

Or you’re paying her big money.

And don’t think it’s all her. I can hear you too, and trust me, it is fucking awkward. I do not want to hear you guys. Especially not when you finish and you both lie there letting out these long panty sighs that I CAN HEAR. How are you so loud? How is this so WEIRD? I can’t hear any of my other neighbours having sex/lying in revelry after sex.

And then after fifteen minutes, you guys do it again. Bravo to virile you, but seriously, I want to get some fucking sleep.

Anyway, this is sort of my way of introducing myself in a neighbourly fashion. As a favour to the rest of the building, I urge you to gag your girlfriend when you guys have sex after 10pm, because some of us are trying to sleep around here. (Also, I highly doubt those noises are authentic. They are strange and unnatural and you might consider asking her to calm down a little.)

Thanks so much; we’ll all have to get together sometime for drinks!

Rose